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Course

Assertiveness at work

Assertiveness at work is an important communication skill. 

Being assertive can make you feel more confident in your interactions and relationships with others, allow you to effect positive change in your day-to-day life, and could even help you get a pay rise or promotion.1

By the end of this course, you should be able to:

  • Understand what assertiveness is and why it’s important
  • Learn the key ingredients of how to be assertive

Download the PDF workbook below and complete the exercises as you go to help deepen your knowledge of the techniques and ideas discussed.

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Course

What is assertiveness?

Assertive behaviour involves expressing your own way of seeing things, but in a way that’s respectful of others.2

  • Assertiveness demonstrates self-respect and respect for others

Assertiveness training teaches confidence, not aggression.

  • It is based on the belief that we all have a right to express our thoughts, feelings and needs in a respectful way

ASSERTIVE (Cambridge Dictionary definition)
Someone who is assertive behaves confidently and is not frightened to say what they want or believe.4

Assertiveness is the mid-way point between passiveness and aggressiveness.

what assertiveness

Assertiveness is a behaviour so can be learned and practised.

Exercise 1: True or false?

Decide whether the statements below are true or false. On your workbook, mark each statement with a tick (true) or a cross (false) in the column on the righthand side.

Click next to show the correct answers.

true false blank

Exercise 1: True or false?

Decide whether the statements below are true or false. On your workbook, mark each statement with a tick (true) or a cross (false) in the column on the righthand side.

true false filled

Why is being assertive important?

Assertive important looped

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

1. Listen

Good listening is a key part of demonstrating your respect for others.

To listen assertively, it’s important to develop active listening skills – simply hearing the other person’s words is not enough.

Guidance on how to actively listen can be explored on the ‘active listening’ wheel opposite.

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

1. Listen

Summarise what you have heard.

A summary helps show the speaker you have listened and understood. Use phrases like “So what you’re saying is…” and “From what I understand, you feel…”7,8

Give your full attention.

Resist the urge to interrupt, get distracted or judge too quickly. Use non-verbal behaviour like nodding to demonstrate you’re paying attention.7,8

Encourage and affirm.

A simple “yes”, “go on” or “I see” mid-conversation shows you are interested and encourages the speaker to continue.7,8

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

1. Listen

React to what is being said.

Show the speaker you empathise and understand them and their situation by reacting appropriately. E.g. “that must have been really challenging”.7,8

Ask clarifying questions.

If there is an important point, explore this further and help clarify it for the speaker by asking questions like “Tell me more about…” or “How do you feel about…”7,8

Reflect a word or phrase.

Repeating back a word or a phrase may motivate the speaker to expand on what they are saying. E.g. Speaker: “I am finding my work load too much at the moment” You: “Too much?” Speaker: “Yes, especially over the last couple of weeks”.7,8

Exercise 2: Active listening techniques

The six key attributes from the listening wheel are listed on the left hand side of table below. In your exercise workbook write down what is meant by each in the corresponding column on the right hand side.

active listening techniques blank

Exercise 2: Active listening techniques

The six key attributes from the listening wheel are listed on the left hand side of table below. In your exercise workbook write down what is meant by each in the corresponding column on the right hand side.

active listening techniques filled

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

2. Empathise and consider the perspective of others

 
An assertive person empathises and respects other people’s opinions and ideas, even if they don’t agree with them.1,2

Alternately, an aggressive person will demand that their needs be met, with no consideration for anyone else.2

Respecting the person you are communicating with often leads to a collaborative solution and a win-win scenario, with both sides getting what they need.1 

Emphasise consider looped

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

3. Don’t be afraid to say what you think and feel

 
Why can it be difficult to say what we think and feel?

Some people are nervous, lack self-esteem, and act passively because they think other people will like them.1,9 But using this approach does not build respect, and may lead to the other person making decisions for them.9

When you’re assertive…

Don’t be afraid

TIP: Try writing down how you think and feel about the situation before entering into dialogue with the other party.1

Exercise 3: Saying what you think and feel

Read the scenarios in the left hand column  – using assertive techniques, how would you respond? In your exercise workbook, write your answers in the column on the right hand side.

Think feel blank

Exercise 3: Saying what you think and feel

Read the scenarios in the left hand column  – using assertive techniques, how would you respond? In your exercise workbook, write your answers in the column on the right hand side.

Think feel filled

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

4. Identify your emotions

 
Before entering into a conversation, try to truly understand how you feel about the situation.9

Identify emotions

TIP: Relaxation techniques like mindful breathing can help if you’re feeling angry.9

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

5. Say what you want to happen

 
Being assertive means saying specifically and unambiguously what you want to happen.1

If you don’t know where you’re heading – then you’re not going to get there!

Want to happen

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

6. Consider joint solutions

 
Recognise that communication is a two-way street, and that although we ideally want our needs/ambitions to prevail, the thoughts and opinions of others also need to be taken into consideration.10

A joint solution can help you achieve a win-win situation for both parties.11

While searching for it, you may need to continue being assertive if the other party does not fully acknowledge your needs – you can do this by facilitating with collaborative questions such as:11

  • What are our options?
  • Is there an alternative?
  • Is there a short-term solution we would be happy with?
  • If we had to make a choice, which one would we make?
  • What’s most important to you?
  • What agreement can we build on?
  • What needs to happen before you’ll be convinced?

KEY POINT: Assertive people are effective because they possess empathy and respect other opinions and ideas when negotiating.1

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

7. Find the words to be assertive

 
Try the following techniques for being assertive during tricky interactions:

Find words filled

Exercise 4: Assertive word techniques

Read the scenarios in the left hand column and decide whether the response by person 2 is an example of the fogging or broken record technique.

Click next to show the correct answers.

Assertive techniques example

Exercise 4: Assertive word techniques

Read the scenarios in the left hand column and decide whether the response by person 2 is an example of the fogging or broken record technique.

Assertive techniques filled

How to be assertive – ingredients of assertiveness

8. Practice makes perfect

 
All of us can learn to improve our assertiveness skills.2 If you don’t feel confident behaving assertively, preparation and practising at home or with a colleague or a mentor is a good way to improve.1

Tips for practising

With a colleague:5

  • Tell them about the issue you want to handle more assertively
  • Get them to ask you questions about the issue to improve their understanding

At home:5

  • Refer to the assertive ingredients and work through ideas of how to tackle the situation
    • Consider what objections you may get
    • Practice delivering your assertive words
  • Write out what you might say for a particular scenario and rehearse the conversation

KEY POINT: Because assertiveness is a learned behaviour, it can be improved with practise and preparation techniques.2

Summary

Assertiveness is an important life skill that can improve your personal and professional life.1,5

The benefits of communicating assertively are many, from strengthened relationships to greater confidence, improved self-worth and less stress in daily work life.6 Luckily, assertiveness is a learned skill, that can get better with practice.2

If you haven’t done so already, have a go at the exercises, which should give you a deeper understanding of these ideas and help strengthen your assertiveness skills.

References and Further Reading

  1. How to Be Assertive: 10 Tips for Becoming More Assertive. Availableat:https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-be-assertive Accessed: March 2023.
  2. Assertiveness training. Available at: https://www.abct.org/fact-sheets/assertiveness-training/#:~:text=What%20Is%20Assertiveness%20Training%3F,and%20sense%20of%20self%2Drespect. Accessed: March 2023.
  3. What is Assertiveness Training?Available at: https://www.psychcompany.com/2020/what-is-assertiveness-training/#:~:text=Assertiveness%20training%20is%20a%20form,taken%20advantage%20of%20or%20used. Accessed: March 2023.
  4. Cambridge Dictionary (online) – assertive. Available at: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/assertive Accessed: March 2023.
  5. Being assertive: Reduce stress, communicate better. Available at: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644#:~:text=Being%20assertive%20is%20a%20core,esteem%20and%20earn%20others’%20respect. Accessed: March 2023.
  6. Assertiveness in the Workplace: Benefits and When to Use It. Available at: https://sg.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/assertiveness Accessed: March 2023.
  7. 10 Steps To Effective Listening. Available a: https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/?sh=203434cb3891. Accessed: March 2023.
  8. Developing listening skills. Available at: https://media.samaritans.org/documents/Handout_-_Listening_wheel2.pdf Accessed: March 2023.
  9. How to become more assertive at work (the ultimate guide). Available at: https://www.betterup.com/blog/assertiveness Accessed: March 2023.
  10. 2 step approach to assertiveness. Available at: https://www.youniversetherapy.com/post/2-step-approach-to-assertiveness Accessed: March 2023.
  11. Assertiveness: 6 techniques to remain assertive in all circumstances. Available at: https://en.talentis-coach.com/blog/assertivite-6-techniques-pour-rester-assertif-en-toute-circonstance Accessed: March 2023.
  12. The fogging technique. Available at: https://www.revolutionlearning.co.uk/article/the-fogging-technique/ Accessed March 2023.
  13. The Acoustics of Assertiveness: Learn the Broken Record Technique. Available at: https://ascellus.com/learn-the-broken-record-technique/ Accessed: March 2023.

You have now completed the training course.

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Exam

Assertiveness is...

(Select all correct answers)

Based on the idea that we all have a right to respectfully express our thoughts, feelings and needs

Demonstrates self-respect and respect for others

Is a behaviour that can be learned and practised

Is the mid-way point between passivity and aggression

Complete the definition of ‘Assertive’ from the Cambridge Dictionary: Someone who is assertive behaves confidently and is not _________ to say what they want or need.

(Select the best, single answer)

nervous

able

happy

frightened

Why is being assertive important?

(Select all correct answers)

It leads to more productive conversations

Enhances job satisfaction

Weakens working relationships

Allows different thoughts, feelings and opinions to be voiced

Creates a win-lose situation

True or False - Assertiveness is a behaviour so can be learned and practised.

(Select one)

FALSE

TRUE

Which of the following actions should you consider when having a challenging conversation?

(Select all correct answers)

Identify your feelings and stick to them

Avoid responding while angry

When the time is right, voice your view

Talk over the other party and keep repeating yourself

Which of the following can help when ‘Actively listening’

(Select all correct answers)

Attention

Encourage

React

Clarify

Reflect

Summarise

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